Hands up who knew there was a Cockney Bible?
Yep. Mike Coles has translated some of the bible into Cockney – isn’t that great! Here is the Lord’s Prayer in Cockney:
Hello, Dad, up there in good ol’ Heaven,
Your name is well great and holy, and we respect you, Guv.
We hope we can all ‘ave a butcher’s at Heaven and be there as soon as possible: and we want to make you happy, Guv, and do what you want ‘ere on earth, just like what you do in Heaven.
Guv, please give us some Uncle Fred, and enough grub and stuff to keep us going today, and we hope you’ll forgive us when we cock things up, just like we’re supposed to forgive them who annoy us and do dodgy stuff to us.
There’s a lot of dodgy people around, Guv; please don’t let us get tempted to do bad things.
Help keep us away from all the nasty, evil stuff, and keep that dodgy Satan away from us, ‘cos you’re much stronger than ‘im.
Your the Boss, God, and will be for ever, innit?
Cheers, Amen.
And here’s the story where Jesus calms a storm:
One evening, Jesus said to his chinas, “Let’s go to the other side of this ‘ere lake.”
So they left all the people, and the disciples got into the nanny and set orf. There were quite a few other nannies there too.
And then, would you Adam and Eve it, a huge wind started to blow up, and the waves got so bloomin’ big that they began to spill into the nanny. It got to the stage where the nanny was almost gonna fill up with fisherman’s.
Despite all this, Jesus was at the back of the nanny ‘aving a feather, lying there with his loaf on a pillow. The disciples woke him up and said, “Teacher, we’re about to die. Don’t you care?”
Jesus got up from his little feather and shouted at the wind, “Oi, be quiet!” and he said to the waves, “Oi, be still!” The wind suddenly died dahn, and it became really calm. Jesus then said to his chinas, “What is it with you lot? Why were you all so frightened? Do you still not have faith?”
But the disciples were in a right ol’ two and eight.
Whatever next eh?
[...] After the news of the conservative Bible, I wasn’t sure if I would ever find a stranger bible translation. Apparently a man by the name of Nick Coles has made the most incomprehensible translation by rewriting sections of the bible in cockney rhyming slang. [...]
my kids love the cockney bible, first time ive ever managed to get them to actually want to read a bible, the only downside is now they keep asking where in london jerusalem is lol
Thats a well funny version of the bible i would read that
And you all call yourselves followers of our Lord Jesus Christ?? You should be ashamed of yourselves thinking that this ‘Bible’ is any good at all. Yet another counterfeit, money making publication, with absolutely NO love of God in it at all.
Oh Tom, Tom, Tom… Right, now I know a Julius (Caesar – geezer) who knows this Coles lemon (squeezer – geezer) – actually ‘e was taught by this Coles fridge (freezer – geezer) and is now a ‘pie and liqour’ (vicar) himself and has used the Cockney ‘Slander and Libel’ (Bible) at Jah Rule (school) assemblies with great ‘string vests’ (success).
Also, refering to your point of ‘Yet another counterfeit, money making publication, with absolutely NO love of God in it at all’.
1). It was published by the Bible Society, so NO love of God at all??? Hmmm… I think you’re a bit Pete there (Pete Tong – Wrong!)
2). Coles is still a teacher of RE, so that, I think, shows he’s made little money from this book and that he is a man of God. In fact, I’d put a Lady Godiva (fiver) on it!
Was it not our very own Torvill (& Dean – Queen) Elizabeth the Geoff (Hurst – 1st) who said her coronation was to be in English, so the entirety of her people could understand the Weaver’s Chairs (prayers) they were hearing? And the King James I ‘Slander and Libel’ is the authoritive version that we all know of these days – when it was first translated five hundred years ago, it was in the common language, but lemon and limes (times) are a’changin’ so surely the Chitty Chitty (bang bang – Cockney Rhyming Slang) version is just what Queen Bess and King Jim did all those years ago?
You stick King Jim’s slander and libel in front of the average dustbin lid (kid) and within 10 mins it’s lights out and goodnight Vienna. Put this in front of them, it’ll give ‘em a bit of a giraffe (laugh) and they’re a lot more likely to remember it in years to come and to relate to it immediately – how can you say this is an act of no love of God at all if it does all of the above?. In fact, you could almost say that Mr Coles is a modern day geezer who’s right up there with King Jim himself!
You, me ol’ China (plate – mate) need to get with the picture and understand a bit more about today’s teapots (lids – kids) because I bet, with your current attitude, they would just label you as a first class James (Blunt – I’ll leave you to translate that one!!!)
***Ps. Please note I did not swear or actually call Tom anything rude… I merely projected the opinion I believe most teenagers would associate with his views. If offence is taken at my post, I apologise wholly.***
I feel I have to disagee with you tom. I think this is potentially a great way to get people interested in Christianity. In this modern age, the good old text of the bible is sadly not going to be very appealing to the younger generations. Here is a version that does carry the essential truths, that is also fun to read, and, at least for those who understand cockney rhyming slang, easy to relate to.
Typical Atheist. No respect for other belief’s, and thinks that all religions are out to con people, and also likes to swear a lot when he/she can’t come up with a proper argument.
I agree with you. Although I am not a Christian myself, a close friend of mine is a missionary and he frequently stresses the importance of making his translations accessible. If it is the purity of God’s word others are concerned about, I suggest they learn Hebrew and Greek.
Hi, I’m a Christian Aussie with British Ancestory that does not want Cockney to die out! This is a great cultural document, but I agree, it needs to be used with care.
This is great. You Christians are so uptight and worried about nothing. Why do you think that King James’ language ought to convey the language of your faith? Study a bit about politics and history and open your mind a bit.
I think it is an excellent version to reach those persons that maybe otherwise would not know the truth, the life and the joy of the Gospel of Christ.
We’ve got to remember that God speaks in every languages and, for Him, a standard english is not better than Cockney. Actually, Cockney is part of our culture, and I do think that God loves it!
Thanks!
Greeting from Chile!
this is a brilliant way to take a million year old text and turn it into a mordern day text.
Okay one, there is absoulty no need to swear. Not only is it inappropriate, but also it makes you look like the idiot.
Second, Jesus taught his follower’s to love and respect all peoples, including homosexuals. I personally believe that the most of the laws given in the old testerment were written for that time, and that we should now follow the laws Jesus gave us.
Finally, if you care to look, there are plenty of significant figures out there who were both Christian and intelligent (Sir Isaac Newton, Winston Churchill, Arthur Eddington, ect).
Hi Folks. It’s Mike here, the author of the Bible in Cockney. Great to read all your comments, shame some have to resort to foul language….The God I believe in is someone who wants to communicate to all of us…for some people, God has spoken to them through the Bible in Cockney..which is lovely to hear. Ive had lovely letters from folk in prison who have never ‘given a toss’ about religion, the Bible etc…but when they came accross the Cockney Bible, they thought it was a great laugh, but at the same time, the message of Love still got through to them…that’s all that matters to me. It’s not a replacement to the King James or Good News version, it’s only an alternative that will appeal to some folk. I don’t mind all the criticism..foul language is a shame…little ignorant really…but no matter, God loves you all………Cheers me ol’ chinas!!!
Mike —- You Are Not Suppose to Laugh At The Word Of God!!! I Will Pray For You!! You Know We Are All Accountable For The Sins That We Do. I Can’t See How You Can Be Proud Of Laughing At God’s Word!!
One might imagine Jesus and his 12 disciples to be rather well-spoken actually, but not according to one religious teacher. Mike Coles has translated parts of the big book into cockney rhyming slang, making them sound more like characters in Life of Brian. …………
I agree with you Tom!! This so-called version of the Bible is a disgrace and it disrespects God and His Holy Word. This cockney (I refuse to call it a Bible, because it is not should be banned and All Christians need to take a stand against such blasphemy!!!!